When I was at university, we held a belief I’m only a little ashamed of now: that casual hookups are intrinsically disempowering and demeaning for females.
It had been a sentiment echoed by numerous conservative commentators whoever publications and articles I eagerly read, feeling they affirmed personal emotions and experiences.
Searching right straight right back onto it, however, I’m able to realize why we thought that: I was thinking that casual sex was degrading because I had sensed degraded everytime I experienced it.
But I felt degraded wasn’t because casual sex is inherently degrading as I later realized, the reason. It absolutely was because my hookup lovers had addressed me personally like a object, like an effective way to an end. They didn’t worry about my pleasure, they disrespected and ignored me personally a while later, and so they had been frequently pushy and coercive.
The greater amount of I learned all about feminism, the greater amount of I noticed that casual sex to my experiences with males squeeze into a much wider pattern of structural sexism. They managed me like that because that’s how they’d discovered to deal with females (frequently not merely in hookup situations, either), additionally the reason they’d learned to take care of ladies by doing this was us, were raised in a sexist society because they, like all of.
Unfortuitously, while you can find genuine and critiques that are important be manufactured for the method in which hookup culture tends to work, most of the critiques we hear most frequently are coming from a location of intercourse negativity and a concern about young people’s sex .